Who Am I Now? Embracing a New Identity in Motherhood
After a baby is born, we celebrate the new life. But what we rarely talk about is what’s quietly happening behind the scenes: The unraveling of the old identity of the parent—especially the mother.
The Quiet Grief of Losing Your Old Self
You may feel deep love for your baby… And also miss who you were before.
You might grieve:
- Your freedom
- Your ability to rest or focus
- Your career momentum
- Your relationship dynamic
- Your confidence
This isn’t selfish. It’s not shameful. It’s grief. And it’s part of transition.
You’re Not Broken. You’re Rebuilding.
What I hear often in the therapy room is this: “I just don’t feel like myself.”
And my response is often: “Maybe that’s because you’re not the same - and that’s okay.”
Postpartum is a transformative season. It’s not about snapping back. It’s about integrating who you were with who you’re becoming.
This shift can feel disorienting. And it can also be an invitation: To reevaluate what matters. To reset boundaries. To discover strength and softness you didn’t know you had.
5 Ways to Reconnect With Yourself After Baby
- Name what you miss. It’s not indulgent - it’s honest.
- Celebrate micro-wins:Brushed your teeth today? That counts.
- Reconnect with your body. Not for fitness. But, for grounding. For reclaiming.
- Protect pockets of time. Even 10 minutes of something that’s just yours (writing, music, walking) can help rebuild a sense of self.
- Talk to someone who gets it. Whether that’s a therapist, a friend, or a support group - reflection creates reconnection.
You’re Still In There.
You’re not gone. You’re evolving.
And while the world rushes you to “bounce back,” I want to offer something different: Space. Grace. Re-entry.
Because your story didn’t end when your baby was born. A new one began. And you get to write it.
-Lauren Pasqua, Psy.D.
Published on LinkedIn & Connections Child & Family Center